THOUGHTS ON THE DAILY DAF
brought to you by Kollel Iyun Hadaf of Har Nof
Rosh Kollel: Rav Mordecai Kornfeld
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1) GETTING MARRIED WHILE IN "AVEILUS"
OPINIONS: The Gemara tells us that if a Chasan and Kalah were about to get
married and all of the preparations for the wedding had been made, and then
the father of the Chasan or the mother of the Kalah passed away, the body is
moved to a different room, the Chupah is performed, they do Be'ilas Mitzvah,
and then they bury the dead. After the burial, they observe seven days of
Mishteh (celebration), followed by seven days of Aveilus.
The Gemara says that this procedure applies only if it is specifically the
father of the Chasan or the mother of the Kalah who died, as opposed to other
relatives. In addition, it only applies if the food that was prepared for the
wedding is going to spoil if the wedding is not performed immediately.
What is the procedure if a different relative of the Chasan or Kalah dies, or
if the food will not spoil if the wedding is postponed?
(a) The RIF, as explained by the ROSH (1:6), writes that if the food is not
going to spoil, or if it has not yet been prepared, then the dead body is
still removed to a different room and the Chupah is performed and Be'ilas
Mitzvah is done, just like in the case of our Gemara. The difference is that
after burying the dead, the seven days of *Aveilus* are observed first, and
then the seven days of Mishteh are observed. The Rosh cites the MAHARITZ
GE'AS who rules that the same applies when a different relative (other than
the father of the Chasan or the mother of the Kalah) passes away; the Chupah
is performed and Be'ilas Mitzvah is done, but the seven days of Aveilus are
observed first, followed by the seven days Mishteh.
HALACHAH: The SHULCHAN ARUCH (342:1) rules like Rashi and the Rosh, that
Chupah and the Be'ilas Mitzvah are not permitted before the Aveilus begins.
The DERISHAH rules, similarly, that if the relative died after the Chupah and
the days of festivities had already begun, the rest of the seven days of
festivities are observed before the Aveilus.
Their source for this ruling appears to be the Gemara (at the end of 4b) that
states that allowing the Chasan and Kalah to get married and do Be'ilas
Mitzvah is not a leniency that the Rabanan instituted in Aveilus, because the
Aveilus does not start until after the burial. Rather, the leniency is that
the seven days of Mishteh precede the seven days of Aveilus. Accordingly,
even if a different relative dies, the only difference in the procedure is
the order of the seven days of Aveilus and the seven days of Mishteh (that
is, the Rabanan did not institute the leniency of observing the days of
Mishteh first in such a case).
(b) The ROSH argues and says that if a different relative dies or if the food
is not going to spoil, then we do not allow the wedding to take place at all
before the burial. Rather, the Chupah and Be'ilas Mitzvah are performed
*after* the burial and the Aveilus. This also seems to be the view of RASHI
(end of 3b).
How does the Rosh understand the Gemara that says that there is nothing wrong
with doing Be'ilas Mitzvah before the burial (since the obligation of Aveilus
has not yet taken effect)? The Rosh says that there is certainly something
inappropriate with doing Be'ilah before burial, because it is a disgrace to
the Mes to delay the burial. Rather, the Gemara means that the Be'ilas
Mitzvah is not an affront to the requirement to observe Aveilus (even if it
is an affront to the honor of the Mes). Similarly, the RAMBAN (in Toras
ha'Adam) and the RASHBA write that during Aninus, before the burial, Be'ilah
is indeed generally prohibited, and when the Gemara says that before the
Aveilus takes effect doing Be'ilah is not an affront to the Aveilus, it means
that it *is* an affront to the Aninus, but not to the Aveilus. Therefore,
where there is no loss of money, it is not permitted to perform the Chupah
and Be'ilas Mitzvah before burying the dead.
This argument seems to reflect a basic difference in opinion concerning how
the Rabanan were lenient to allow the marriage in the case of the death of
the father of the Chasan or the mother of the Kalah. The RIF seems to
understand that the Rabanan overrode the laws of Aveilus by instituting that
the seven days of Mishteh override the Aveilus. Therefore, neither the Chupah
nor the Be'ilas Mitzvah had to take place before the burial, because the
Rabanan could simply have instituted to override the Aveilus and perform the
Chupah and Be'ilas Mitzvah *after* the burial. Since we see that the Rabanan
instituted that the Chupah be done before the burial, it must be that
something is gained by doing so -- that is, by instituting that the Chupah
and Be'ilas Mitzvah be done before the burial, the Rabanan avoided having to
override the Halachos of Aveilus d'Rabanan, and the Chupah is being done
entirely b'Heter (without overriding anything). (Apparently, there is no Isur
Be'ilah during *Aninus*, either because Nesu'in and Be'ilah are not
prohibited during Aninus, or because in this specific situation, Be'ilah is
not prohibited during Aninus, as the SHITAH MEKUBETZES on 4b explains.)
Rashi (4a, DH u'Poresh), though, has a completely different understanding.
Rashi explains that the leniency was simply to allow the Chupah and Be'ilas
Mitzvah to take place during Aninus. Once the Chupah is performed, it "causes
the Chasunah to take effect" and it becomes like a festival, a Regel, for the
Chasan. Because the Chupah creates a Regel for the Chasan, it is the
*Chasunah* that overrides the Aveilus, and that is why the seven days of
Mishteh precede the days of Aveilus. Therefore, in a case where it is not
necessary for the seven days of Mishteh to precede the Aveilus (where there
is no financial loss involved), the Rabanan do not permit the Chupah and
Be'ilas Mitzvah to be performed before the burial.
Another practical difference between Rashi and the Rif might be a situation
in which a relative -- not the father of the Chasan and the mother of the
Kalah -- passed away *after* the Chupah and Be'ilah Rishonah. According to
Rashi, the seven days of mourning should be pushed off until after the seven
days of festivities, since the festivities already started. But according to
the Rif, the seven days of mourning should be observed immediately. In this
case, Rashi would be the more lenient opinion, and the Rif would be the
(If the relative died immediately after the Chupah but before the seven days
of festivities began, the Acharonim argue whether the Aveilus precedes the
Simchah or vice versa -- see TAZ, NEKUDOS HA'KESEF, etc. The conclusion of
the Acharonim seems to be that the seven days of Simchah precede the Aveilus,
as it would seem from Rashi, see DIVREI SOFRIM, YD 342:38)