Project SEED
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http://www.amyisrael.co.il/seed
MAZALTOV!
Your child is about to enter a new and important stage in life.
You have brought your child to this milestone and now you wish to help with the progress to the next level. This is the level Judaism considers to be the beginning of adulthood and responsibility.
This SEED syllabus is designed to enhance your appreciation of the Bar / Bat Mitzvah celebration by giving you the confidence which comes from knowledge. You will gain knowledge of the basic principles in Judaism which form the background to Bar / Bat Mitzvah , and, subsequently, some knowledge of the celebration itself.
This three-section syllabus is best covered about nine to six months before the great event. Please allow yourself time to cover it at a leisurely pace, before the pressure of the organisation of "the day" starts calling for your attention. It is not intended that each session be finished at one sitting.
Your SEED partner will assist in clarifying any queries you may raise.
At the age of puberty, twelve for a girl and thirteen for a boy, a child moves, not only into biological adulthood, but also into legal and spiritual adulthood. Mitzvos now feature in the child's life in a different way. Mitzvos are now part of the child's responsibility.
What are these "Mitzvos" which make a child Bar or Bat (responsible for each) Mitzvah?
What is the spiritual change which takes place in a child's life at this stage?
For your convenience, we will start at "the beginning" with a quick overview of the background, to assure you of getting the information in precise context.
All the information we supply will be of value when you transfer it to your child. As a responsible parent, you will thus have an important share in the next stage of your child's development as you pass on your eternal message to future generations.
Everyone is familiar with "In the beginning G-d created the heavens and the earth". But what "on earth" for? Judaism teaches that the world was created for a purpose and the purpose is Mankind.
G-d wanted to create a creature who could develop and achieve, and for this purpose created the stage on which the creature could act out his or her role. The world is "a stage" but men and women are not "merely players". On the contrary, we are the centre, the pivot and the purpose of creation.
The world was made so that we should use our time in it to fashion, mould and craft ourselves into highly-developed moral creatures. As we improve ourselves, we also make the world into a better place. But we cannot make the world into a better place if we do not improve ourselves. We are, after all, the dominant creatures in the world.
Obviously, it is only fair to tell us how we are to achieve this and not just let us loose to our own devices.
G-d made us raw material and gave us the information we need in order to fashion ourselves and our world into the finished object. The essence of the information is:- there is a goal to be achieved, it is within your grasp and here is the instruction booklet which tells you how to achieve that goal. No manufacturer would supply a complex machine without an instruction booklet.
The instruction booklet, the Torah, with a full explanation, was given to our nation at Sinai some 3300 years ago. It tells us that this short, finite physical life is merely an entrance hall into a future, eternal, infinite life. Prepare yourself in the entrance hall to be fit to enjoy the infinite pleasure ahead!
How are we to prepare ourselves? By living a Mitzvah life-style. A Mi
tzvah is an action, a word or a thought which brings us closer to our Creator and to our goal in life. G-d told us to do it because He knew it would be to our benefit. It would benefit us and our development. It is an action which has deep and far-reaching effect on our soul, our psyche.
There is another sort of Mitzvah, a Mitzvah of abstention - don't do this because if you do, it will corrupt you and compromise your ability to reach the Ultimate Good
The Torah itself says, (Deut. 6, 24 - 25);G-d commanded us to keep all these rules... so that it should be for our benefit and we would survive, ...It is our privilege to safeguard and keep this entire mandate before G-d our L-rd, as He commanded us". For example, acting with cruelty corrupts our capacity to fulfil our purpose in life, and acting with kindness develops our capacity to fulfil our purpose in life. G-d, in the Torah, gives us various Mitzvos which will develop kindness in us and remove us from cruelty.
Such Mitzvos, and the like, are easy to appreciate. They are called Mishpatim. Maybe if G-d had not told us to practice them we would have worked them out for ourselves. But fulfilling them according to Manufacturer's Recommendations makes them much more powerful and effective.
Other Mitzvos are a bit more complicated. They affect a much deeper dimension of our personality; our eternal soul. Because this dimension is very deep we cannot always consciously commune with it and appreciate the impact certain actions have on it. G-d has told us that certain actions have a profound effect on this deeper dimension in us. These are the Mitzvos known as Chukim. Whether we are told to do or not to do something in this group, it is because of the effect on the deeper recesses of the spiritual personality, the soul of the Jew. This soul is called the Neshamah.
A third group of Mitzvos is called Edos, testimonies. These are deeds which link us into powerful, meaningful incidents in our past history, incidents which made us into the sort of people we are. The Mitzvah of the Pesach Seder, for example, is a powerful fashioning influence on our Jewish identity.
Ultimately, when properly performed, Mitzvos bring a special inner peace and tranquillity, an inner satisfaction and joy, a knowledge that we are working in tandem with our Creator, that our life is being meaningful and that we are making a concrete contribution to the development of the cosmic good. We now supply the first piece of original source material (Deuteronomy 6. 20 - 25) for SEED partnership study before proceeding to explain your child's part in the Mitzvah scheme of things.
Please utilise a Hebrew Chumash to study the quotation. We give a sentence of introduction to each verse, followed by a translation of each verse. You may prefer to use Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan's Living Torah translation.
You child wants to know what Mitzvos are.
"When, in the future, your child asks you, what are the testimonies, rules and laws which G-d our L-rd commanded you? "
You start by telling your child of your origins.
"You shall say to your child, "We were once slaves to Pharo in Egypt but G-d took us out of there with a display of power."
You tell them how G-d cared enough to change nature and intervene on your behalf.
"G-d proceeded to execute great and terrible miracles against Egypt, and against Pharo and his household before our very eyes."
G-d took us out of Egypt to bring us to our land.
"We are the ones He took out from there in order to bring us to the land He had promised to our ancestors, and give it to us."
G-d gave us a system to live by which would be to our benefit and guarantee our survival.
"G-d commanded us to keep all these rules so that we would remain in awe of G-d for all time, so that it should be for our benefit and we would survive, even as [we are here] today."
It is a privilege for us. "It is our privilege to safeguard and keep this entire mandate before G-d our L-rd, as He commanded us".
Your child wants to know what Judaism and Mitzvos is all about. How are you supposed to answer?
"First of all, your child needs to link into the past history of the eternal Jewish nation."
Our history is our national memory. Everyone's identity is intimately intertwined with their memories. So it is with a national memory. It gives identity. The Pesach seder, for example, is just one of the vehicles we use to transmit this memory. Culturally, (as opposed to biologically), a Jewish person today is someone who identifies with the Jewish nation via a connection to (a) past history and, (b), present actions.
The first point your child needs to know in his or her search for meaning is that G-d created him or her for a specific purpose. He has given your child a mandate in life.
G-d has a job for YOU to do! He specially made you for a purpose. He is watching over you with care and concern, awaiting your successful handling of life and your positive impact on the world..
"So", the child will ask, "what is that mandate?"
You now need to tell your child that he or she belongs to a group with an identity. This identity crystallised when G-d took our ancestors, the Hebrews, out of Egypt in a mighty demonstration of His dominion over that Nature which He had created.
It is as if G-d were saying: "I made you for a purpose and I am controlling history and the world, visibly or invisibly, for you and your entire people. Your job is to live a life which will develop you, and the world, in the way I know is best for you."
We have been living this life for three thousand three hundred years. Those who have lived the life have survived as Jews, those who did not live the life disappeared as Jews within a couple of short generations. We are privileged to have a system which is good for us and guarantees our survival in an alien society, the only safeguard against assimilation.
On becoming BarMitzvah or Bat Mitzvah your child becomes a responsible, participating member of the nation, committed to utilising G-d's system for spiritual well-being and survival.
Please G-d, your child, given the right direction, will be one of those successful members of the Jewish nation who will survive as a Jew and act as a link in the eternal chain. The chain which depends on Torah and Mitzvos for its strength and survival.
This session needs to be tackled with a copy of "Masterplan" by Rabbi Aryeh Carmell, [Feldheim], at hand. Other useful works are also referred to. Please have a look at these works before commencing your study session.
We have discussed two important issues in section 1.
(a) Mitzvos, which give us an attachment to the Jewish Identity of the present, and,
(b) History, which gives us an attachment to Jewish Identity via the past.
Before we tell our children about Mitzvos, we are to tell them of their history, their ancestry, their identity. Only then do we proceed to tell them that Mitzvos are those actions given to us by G-d for our good and that they will guarantee our survival as a Jew in this world and in the future. One needs to know who one is before one knows what one is meant to do.
In this second section we will tackle the irony of young people becoming BarMitzvah or BatMitzvah and yet having little or no idea of what the Mitzvos tell us. This in spite of the fact that "becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah" means becoming reponsible for one's Mitzvah actions.
It is obviously beyond the scope of this brief course to enumerate all the Mitzvos. We can only select some as a sampling of what is available.We do, however, strongly recommend that parents find out about these and other Mitzvos by reading either "Masterplan" by Rabbi Aryeh Carmell , or "Horeb" by Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch.
Of course, it is appreciated that not every child wants to be told by parents what they have to do, especially when it involves effort, but then, we do, in any case, make demands from our children in their academic and other areas of life.
In fact, our children would be in a sorry state if we did not guide them. That is what parenting and education is all about, transmitting a set of values and skills which will stand our children in good stead in the future. It is just a matter of using the correct methods.
Allow us to introduce an anecdote.
A young lad was sent for BarMitzvah lessons. His teacher produced a pair of tefillin, taught him how to use them, and told him that this is what one wears every weekday once one has had a BarMitzvah. The lad had never seen tefillin before and when he got home he innocently asked his mother: "Mommy, when is Daddy going to be BarMitzvah?"
We have no choice but to face the fact that our children learn more from our example than from what we tell them. An up-coming Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a challenge for parents in more ways than one. But then, who ever thought parenting wasn't a challenge and responsibility? Selected Mitzvos.
The partnership should discuss and decide which of these to home into. We only give brief guidance and leave it up to you to discuss and elaborate. We have given in each case a reference to "Masterplan" by Rabbi Aryeh Carmell or "Horeb" by Rabbi S. R. Hirsch. Masterplan, being modern, is more user-friendly than the 19th century Horeb. But Horeb remains a classic, and those who read it will find it highly inspiring.
(For convenience, we give the Mitzvah numbers from Sefer HaChinuch. This is for the tutor's convenience and we are not suggesting that book be studied together at this stage.)
Important tip! Remember, a vital ingredient in Mitzvos is ENTHUSIASM.
Judaism has never tolerated ignorance. Literally thousands of years before the rest of the world woke up, every Jewish child was taught Torah from infancy and could read and write.
Mitzvah number 419 tells us that every Jew has to both study Torah and teach Torah to the next generation. How can we make sure that our children are given the best possible opportunity to become knowledgeable Jews?
Find these Mitzvos in "Masterplan" Chapter 64 and "Horeb" Vol. 2 Chapter 75
Suggestions for practical implementation.
Choose a suitable subject to study with your child as a fun and pleasure activity.
Let your child see you studying Torah Texts. Let him/her know you attend SEED or other study sessions.
This Mitzvah is a key to the vast body of interpersonal-relationship Mitzvos, (some of which we will enumerate in detail later). Not harming others, not stealing or hurting verbally or physically, carrying out acts of Chesed, kindness, or Tzedokoh, charity etc.
Mitzvah number 243 tell us that every Jew has to care for others and try and want and do for them what he or she would like to be done for himself or herself. How do we encourage our children in this direction?
Find these Mitzvos in "Masterplan" Group Three starting from Chapter 30, and "Horeb" Vol. 1 Section 3.
Suggestions for practical implementation.
Look for opportunities to help others as a family: e.g. visit the sick, elderly, homebound etc. telling your child that you are doing it out of concern for the feelings of that person.
If an opportunity arises to lend an object or to accede to a request for a favour, we should do so happily with the full knowledge of our children
We are renowned for our charitableness. Our per-capita donations to charity far exceed those of our neighbours in all the countries in which we live. Our children should be taught from a young age to set aside part of their pocket-money or earnings as a donation to charity.
Mitzvos numbers 478-479 tells us that every Jew has to give a portion of his or her income to those who are worse off.
Rachel, daughter of the multi-millionaire Kalba Sabua, had been brought up in the lap of luxury. Her father disinherited her when, against his wishes, she married the ignorant shepherd Akiva. ( Due to her encouragement, Akiva was later to become the famous Sage Rabbi Akiva.) When she gave birth to her first child, it was in a hovel, lying on a "bed" of straw. As she lay there, a beggar knocked on the door. His wife had just also given birth and she had no straw to lie on. Rachel shared her straw with the other woman. Akiva and Rachel looked at each other. " We are truly rich. We can help others!"
Find this Mitzvah in "Masterplan" Chapter 37 and "Horeb" Vol. 2 Chapter 88
Suggestions for practical implementation.
Keep a charity box at home and let your children see you use it.
Respond positively to charity appeals, letting your childre see what you are doing. Give them the envelope to post if it is a response to a postal appeal, and tell them what is in the envelope.
Shabbat is the "wedding ring" which identifies our bond with our Creator. It is included in Mitzvos number 31-32 and is Fifth of the Ten Commandments. The best way of conveying the whole idea of Shabbat to our children is by making it a pleasure. As the prophet said, "v'karasa laShabbos oneg", "You shall proclaim the Shabbat to be a pleasure". Discuss making Shabbat a pleasurable experience to be eagerly anticipated.
You will find this Mitzvah best elaborated on, at its basic level, in "The Sabbath" by Dayan I. Grunfeld. See also "Masterplan" Chapter 41.
Suggestions for practical implementation.
Work out ways of enjoying Shabbat together as a family. Have special Shabbat clothes, suitable Shabbat entertainment, etc.
What we eat affects our psyche. (See the relevant section in the SEED publication, "Answers to 9 Oft-asked Questions" for elaboration) There are numerous Mitzvos in the Torah which relate to this subject, e.g.153-158 & 162 -165.
Apart from its effect on the soul, this Mitzvah also serves as one of our most powerful tools against assimilation.
Read about it in Masterplan Chapters 24 - 28 and Horeb Vol 2 Chap 68
Suggestions for practical implementation.
When children help in the kitchen make them aware of the separation of meat and milk. When going shopping take a copy of the London Beth Din Kashruth Guide and select from the shelves accordingly. When eating out always insist on a Kosher establishment.
Puberty is here. We have to talk! If we do not give our children direction and decency, they will simply pick up the (lack of) morals of the marketplace. Depending on the maturity of our children, we will, sooner rather than later, have to give them a perspective on male/female-relationships. As it is, they have already been receiving suspect overdoses via TV and magazines.
For example, Mitvah number 570 tell us that intercourse is only to take place between husband and wife and not between any two other parties. (Use the SEED publication, "Discussion Points on Sexuality", for elaboration.) Other Mitzvos tell us about Judaism's positive attitude to marriage and the Torah's method for enhancing the physical and emotional relationship between husband and wife. These Mitzvos are beautifully elaborated upon in "The Sacred Trust. Love, Dating & Marriage, the Jewish View." by Rabbi Pinchos Stolper and "Hedge of Roses" by Rabbi Norman Lamm.
Find these Mitzvos in "Masterplan" Chapters 22 & 23 and "Horeb" Vol. 2 Chapters 65-67
Suggestions for practical implementation.
Explain that sexuality is a very precious asset with positive use: that viewing certain types of films, reading certain types of books and magazines can have a detrimental effect on our moral health. Switch the TV off when you disapprove of the contents. Where other parents might tell their children to use contraceptives, explain the value of abstaining.
Correct Speech habits are very central to Judaism and an essential part of "Love your Neighbour". The Torah is very insistent that we not hurt feelings with words nor damage a person's reputation. No less than thirty-two, yes, thirty two commandments apply to our speaking habits! Can any other nation claim so noble a speech ethic?
Every conversation we have with our children is an opportunity in ethical education. Read about its details in "Guard your Tongue" by Zelig Pliskin.
Brief reference will be found in "Masterplan" Chapter 11 and "Horeb" Vol 1 Chapters 19 & 53
Suggestions for practical implementation.
If any gossip comes up in conversation, tell your family that you do not wish to speak Lashon Hara, i.e., badly about others. After all, we should not do to others what is hateful to us. We would not like to be disussed in such a way.
Note: Chapter 84 of "Horeb" elaborates on the general concept of Education. Section 3.
In Section 2 we discussed a selection of Mitzvos. Parents should now decide whether they wish to proceed at this stage with an overview of more Mitzvos, or whether they now wish to proceed to considering the actual day of the ceremony.
If more Mitzvos are to be considered, more time could be devoted to selections from Masterplan. By now parents, having seen the book and its list of contents, will be able to chose the areas they wish to tackle.
When we do come to discuss the day of the ceremony and the ceremony itself, the following guidelines should be of use. Please choose section 1., BarMitzvah, or section 2., BatMitzvah, depending on your need.
BarMitzvah.
Two main ceremonies are associated with BarMitzvah,
(a) induction into the Mitzvah of Tefillin and,
(b), being called up to the Torah for the first time.
You may find out about Tefillin in Masterplan Chapter 55, Horeb Vol 1 Chapter 38.
However, we strongly recommend "Tefillin" by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan as being the best possible booklet to be found on the subject. Ideally, selections from this booklet should be studied together within the framework of the partnership, both by fathers and by mothers too.
Fathers should consider being the person who will instruct the BarMitzvah boy in the donning of tefillin, having, if necessary, ascertained in advance that they are doing it properly.
The boy should be wearing Tefillin for a few weeks before his BarMitzvah in order to be confident of doing it properly and regularly when the time comes. This is to be, from now on, a lifelong habit, and we have to be sure he is doing it properly and with the correct enthusiastic attitude.
It is important to make sure that one is investing in the right quality of Tefillin. Making this hand-made object involves a lot of time and expertise and, thus, a substantial price tag. Such an investment should not be made without consulting your rabbi or some other expert. Please avoid disappointment and do not rely on the "BarMitzvah set" picked up by a well-meaning relative in some tourist shop on Dizengoff.
Being called up to the Torah for the first time will necessitate that your child be trained. Your synagogue should have facilities for this training within its educational programme. Your child will also be preparing a reading from the Torah and/or the prophets. For this too, one normally engages an outside teacher.
Fathers who wish to brush up their own "What to do when called up" procedure could make good use of the relevant section in our "Project SEED Refresher Course". (Available from your Programme Leader) Alternatively, the material will be found in "To Pray as Jew" by Chaim Halevy Donin.
Many communities supply Bar Bitzvah classes in preparation for the event. These classes are vital. Your son needs knowledge and enthusiasm and these classes should supply these ingredients. However, it goes without saying that classes will only help to the extent that there is parental reinforcement. Since time immemorial, chidren and classes have not always been the best of friends.
Becoming BarMitzvah does NOT mean splashing money out on a party! A celebration is in place. We are delighted to show our children our happiness when Mitzvot become an obligation. We feel flattered and privileged that the Creator has chosen us as His people who live according to His instruction. So we celebrtae. But we do not have to spend beyond our means. By now we have seen that becoming BarMitzvah means being inducted into Mitzvos and stepping into one's rightful place as a responsible member of the nation. The party is important but secondary.
The late Mr. David Benaim, President of the Jewish Community of Gibraltar, used to regularly tell the story of his BarMitzvah. His father was an eminent Dayan (Judge) of international repute, but, alas, to put it politely, was not paid a very high salary. When BarMitzvah time came there was simply no money for a celebration which, due to the father's position, would have to involve the whole community. So, the Dayan took his thirteen-year old on a trip to a nearby community where they had relatives. On the way, the father presented the son with a pair of tefillin and said. "Start wearing them now. When we arrive at our destination people will think you had your BarMitzvah back home. When we get back home in due course, people will think we celebrated your BarMitzvah with the relatives we are visiting". And so it was. As a Barmitzvah present young David received a modest coin from his father. He treausred it all his life!
MAZALTOV! Enjoy your simchah. Next step the wedding!
BatMitzvah.
BatMitzvah ceremonies vary from community to community. Many communities call the ceremony a Bat Chayil ceremony and supply Bat Chayil classes in preparation. These classes are vital. Your daughter needs knowledge and enthusiasm and these classes should supply these ingredients. However, it goes without saying that classes will only help to the extent that there is parental reinforcement. Since time immemorial, chidren and classes have not always been the best of friends.
Traditional BatMitzvah celebrations have never been ostentatious public functions. The principles of Tzeniut, Modesty, dictate a meaningful, low key celebration. (See our Project SEED Disscussion Points, Tzeniut, for elaboration of this concept.)
Because of varying practices, you should find out from your local rabbi what will be the precise form of the ceremony and then discuss how you can enhance your daughter's celebration.
Becoming BatMitzvah does NOT mean splashing money out on a party! A celebration is in place. We are delighted to show our children our happiness when Mitzvot become an obligation. We feel flattered and privileged that the Creator has chosen us as His people who live according to His instruction. So we celebrate. But we do not have to spend beyond our means. By now we have seen that becoming BatMitzvah means being inducted into Mitzvos and stepping into one's rightful place as a responsible member of the nation. The party is important but secondary.
The late Mr. David Benaim, President of the Jewish Community of Gibraltar, used to regularly tell the story of his BarMitzvah. His father was an eminent Dayan (Judge) of international repute, but, alas, to put it politely, was not paid a very high salary. When BarMitzvah time came there was simply no money for a celebration which, due to the father's position, would have to involve the whole community. So, the Dayan took his thirteen-year old on a trip to a nearby community where they had relatives. On the way, the father presented the son with a pair of tefillin and said. "Start wearing them now. When we arrive at our destination people will think you had your BarMitzvah back home. When we get back home in due course, people will think we celebrated your BarMitzvah with the relatives we are visiting". And so it was. As a Barmitzvah present young David received a modest coin from his father. He treausred it all his life!
MAZALTOV! Enjoy your simchah. Next step the wedding!