POINTS FOR DISCUSSION
A combination of statements, questions, and suggestions for developing possible answers, presented as a basis for stimulating discussion within a SEED partnership.
Key to symbols:- (S) Statements,
(Q) Questions,
(PA) Possible Answers.
In keeping with all our Discussion Point titles, this is not meant to be a comprehensive treatment of the subject, only suggested guidelines for the partnership to develop.
1. JIG-SAW ILLUSTRATION
(S) Judaism may be compared to a massive jig-saw puzzle. Any one piece out of place or out of context will be utterly meaningless. After placing sexuality within its rightful context in Judaism in general, one has then to place the different mitzvot of עריות (forbidden relationships) within the context of sexuality in particular.
2. REASONS FOR MITZVOT
(Q) Is there a danger in giving Ta'amei HaMitzvot, reasons for Mitzvot? Might we be tempted to reject the Mitzvah when we feel the reason does not apply?
(PA) When discussing Ta'amei HaMitzvot we try not to forget the Divine dimension. We observe Mitzvot because G-d said that they are the way for us to develop and achieve perfection. The "reasons" we give are attempts on our part to appreciate the value of the Mitzvot.
3. GENERAL CONTEXT.
The general context within which to place mitzvot should be reviewed. This may be done by reading "Love and the Commandments", an essay in "The Aryeh Kaplan Reader", Artscroll/Mesorah. Material on the subject is also to be found in "Answers to 9 Oft-asked Questions" produced by Project SEED and available from Programme Leaders.
(S) The following three points will probably have to feature in any such discussion.
a) The existence of a Creator.
b) The purpose of creation.
c) Communication between the Creator and humans.
The Judaic position on these three points is that:-
a) Time, the Universe and all that it contains, including the world and its population, were brought into existence by a Creator.
b) Creation was brought into existence by the Creator in order to provide a platform on which human beings, endowed with a spiritual dimension, a soul, could develop themselves to their fullest spiritual potential.
c) The Creator communicated with human beings (Revelation, Sinai, Five Books of Moses, Torah,) indicating the purpose of existence and how it is to be achieved. To this end He informed us of what is "Good" and what is "Evil", what is "Right" and what is "Wrong". He told us what will help us to develop correctly and what will frustrate that aim. The "rights" and the "wrongs" of sexuality belong here.
(Revelation is a central theme of the SEED "Challenge" Seminar.)
4. SEXUALITY; IS THE ATTITUDE POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE?
Consider to what extent the Torah's positive or negative attitude to sexuality can be evaluated by the fact that the first Mitzvah in the Torah tells humans to get married. This was the first instruction given to humanity. Subsequently, limitations, the "don'ts", were given by G-d. (These are briefly listed later.)
Being told to use sexuality, then limiting its use, should indicate an attitude.
(Q) Why should our sexuality be controlled by limitations?
(Q) Whatever reasons G-d had, what benefits can WE see from the position which says: "Use it but limit it"?
(PA) The sexual urge is one of the most powerful instincts found in nature. The Judaic position is that it was instilled in us by the Creator in order to achieve positive goals.
Suggested ideas about positive goals which could be developed.
a) bonding of husband and wife,
b) procreation, i.e. becoming a partner with G-d in creation.
c) a field of "tests" designed to help us grow in spiritual status. (Nisyonot, tests, is a subject which is likely to need individual elaboration; a nisayon is designed to convert potential greatness into actual greatness.)
The value of "limits":-
Basic illustration. Hydroelectric energy. (Or any energy, or weight, or a laser beam.) A mass of water is flowing along a broad front. Its energy is unharnessed. Narrow down its field of progress further and further, bring it to a dam and force it to travel through a narrow aperture. At this point the energy is concentrated and most powerful. It may now be used to turn a generator and produce results :- Hydro-electric energy. This paradigm leads us to:-
5. DISPERSION AND CONSOLIDATION.
(Q) In emotional terms, how productive is dispersed sexual energy?
(PA) Dispersed sexual energy might, in emotional terms, be considered unproductive. It is dissipated energy. Sexuality is probably the most powerful "energy" contribution to the development of human relationships. Where it is uncontrolled one loses the opportunity for consolidating a deep meaningful relationship.
(S) Some might argue that so long as they have only one extramarital partner at a time, they will enjoy an exclusive relationship. This Hedonistic, one-day-at-a-time attitude, is highly short-sighted. Ironically, many embark on sexual sprees, seeking out a meaningful relationship, only to find out sooner or later that they are missing the point and have been left encumbered with a lot of emotional baggage. Concentration of the energy into a narrow area will make it most productive. Is not one successful relationship worth more than any number of unsuccessful ones?
An experience shared exclusively with one's "kosher" partner has more meaning than an uncontrolled experience.
The more exclusive (literally) the experience, the more it means to the partnership. This includes all aspects of endearing physical contact.
(Funny how in a world which chases the exclusive, people have missed noticing that this is the area where exclusivity is so very valuable!)
The don'ts in the Torah result in the channeling of sexuality to its most powerful and meaningful manifestation, love in marriage.
6. PROMINENT LIMITATIONS
Incest. Adultery. Bestiality. Homosexuality. Lesbianism. Masturbation. Castration. Sterilization. Endearing contact with a forbidden partner. Premarital relationships.
7. PREMARITAL SEX.
The ideas developed by using this paper should be of help in understanding possible value in the Torah's prohibition of premarital sex. (See Sefer HaHinnuch, The Book of Mitzvah Education, (Wengrov, Feldheim), Mitzvah No. 570, under which sexual intercourse is only allowed with a halachically permitted spouse.)
8. FAMILY
(Q) What is the value of the quality of the sexual relationship in terms of its psychological effect on the children it produces?
9. ONE LAST IDEA
(S) G-d made us for a purpose. He instilled sexuality in us for a purpose. He has told us what is a purpose: sexuality is to be handled in a way which will draw us closer to Him. He has told us how to handle our sexuality in order to achieve the purpose. He has also told us that mishandling it can lead to spiritual decay of a major order.
(Q) Are people bothered by the Jewish attitude to sexuality or are they just uninformed or misinformed of the Jewish attitude to sexuality? Is sexuality the problem, or is the problem a lack of appreciation of the G-dly dimension in the picture?
10. Recommended reading;
"Jewish Alternatives in Love, Dating and Marriage", by Pinchas Stolper.
"Hedge of Roses, The sexual dimension in marriage." by Norman Lamm.
"The Magic Touch", by Gila Manolson.
(Available from SEED Office, London, £5 + p&p)
