Am I obliged to make sure that my child hears havdalah?

Chinuch – education is a serious matter and parents are obliged to educate their children from a young age in the ways of the Torah.

The Mishan Berura writes [1] that there is no set age for chinuch because each child must be educated according to his individual comprehension. If a child is aware of the Shabbos he must listen to kiddush and havdalah. This probably means that the child realizes that Hashem created the world and rested on the 7^th day and hence Shabbos is different from other days. [2] It does not suffice that the child knows how to say gut Shabbos, because a 2 year old can also say gut Shabbos but it is meaningless to him.

Accordingly, before commencing with the Shabbos meal, the parents must make sure that children of the appropriate age are present to listen to the kiddush.

What if havdalah is late at night?

One must not forget that a child is only a child and their education for mitzvos must be suited to their capabilities and limitations. In many northern European countries, during the winter months, it becomes dark very late and as a result havdalah is recited late at night. Obviously we do not expect and demand that children remain awake late at night in order to hear havdalah, nor should we wake them for that purpose. [3] At their young age, when they are normally asleep they may be excluded from mitzvos at this stage of their development.

We would not be wrong in saying that children only need to be educated during the hours when they are awake. If a certain mitzvah only occurs when they are sleeping they are not ready to be educated for that mitzvah. [4]

Children of an older age such as 11 or 12, who are often awake when the occasion demands, must be awake for kiddush and havdalah as well, as the importance of the mitzvah is a part of chinuch.

There are however other opinions regarding this matter and one is advised to seek guidance from one’s rav.

Must the child then hear havdalah on Sunday morning?

I assume you mean that since the halacha says that when one did not or could not recite havdalah after Shabbos one must recite it on Sunday morning as compensation. [5] In this case, since a child is exempt from the actual mitzvah, which is on motzei Shabbos, he is possibly exempt from the compensation on Sunday morning. [6] The opinions of this halacha vary as well.

Are children permitted to eat before Kiddush?

This halacha is discussed by the poskim in reference to the practice of reciting the kiddush in shul on Friday night. [7] Adults may not drink the wine because they do not intend eating after the kiddush and it is akin to eating before kiddush, but the accepted practice is to give the wine to children. The question is whether it should be ossur because they are not eating either. [8]

The Magen Avraham offers several answers to this question. One of the answers is that since food and drink are necessary for a child’s growth and welfare, Chazal did not implement any g’zeiros that could inhibit his growth. A child may therefore eat and drink before kiddush even though an adult is prohibited from doing so.

All the more reason for them eating before kiddush on Shabbos morning and not waiting for the father to return from shul.

The Magen Avraham adds another point and says that children must not be made to fast and go hungry.

Why then must I prevent him from eating non-kosher food? Is it not a matter of growth etc.?

The Magen Avraham himself answers this saying that we make a distinction between prohibited food and food at a prohibited time. In addition, non-kosher food is not part of a child’s growth and is contrary to his welfare unlike kosher food which is necessary for his welfare and as such was not limited to a time factor. He proves this from the fact that young children are not ‘taught’ to fast even for a short time on Yom Kippur. [9]