It so happened that I besmirched a fellow Jew behind his back. Fortunately the people I spoke to did not believe the slander. Must I ask his forgiveness?

The Chofetz Chaim [1] writes that if the fellow Jew was not harmed in any way, i.e. his reputation was not tainted nor did his business suffer any losses as a result of the slander, the transgression remains an offence between man and his creator. Thus there is no need to tell the Jew that he was slandered and one must ask Hashem forgiveness for transgressing the offence of Lashon Harah.

What if the slanderous words had an effect on the listeners and the person slandered suffered as a result. Must I tell him that it was I that spoke and beg his forgiveness?

The problem with this case is that the person in question will be very hurt when told by you that it was you who slandered him and in all probability he will bear a grudge against you for a very long time.

The Chofetz Chaim nevertheless says that because the fellow Jew was harmed, physically or monetarily, as a result of your slander, it is the same as any other sin that is committed between mankind and one must beg forgiveness from the victim before being able to repent.

However, HaGaon Rav Yisroel Salanter ztz”l said [2] that one does not have the right to upset a fellow Jew in order to attain his mechila (forgiveness) and therefore one should approach him before Yom Kippur and say that if I harmed you in any way I beg your forgiveness and since it is customary to do that before Yom Kippur one will not hurt his feelings. [3]

Is there reason to do vidui (confession) after the final meal before the onset of Yom Kippur?

 

A          The Shulchan Aruch says [4] that one must perform vidui before the final meal lest [5] something happens during the meal and one will be prevented from performing the vidui  before Yom Kippur. The Mishna Berura adds that the Ramban holds that one should perform vidui  after the meal as well, right before Yom Kippur, and it is correct to be stringent and follow this opinion. The Shulchan Aruch HaRav explains the following: the idea behind this opinion is to do t’shuva as close as possible to the time when atonement begins (Yom Kippur), and thus to leave as little time as possible for sin before the commencing of atonement.

The Mishna Berura says that this confession is accomplished by reciting the “Zakeh” at that time. It so happens though that one might be preoccupied right before sunset and thus one will miss this opportunity. Rav Sternbuch then suggests that one rise (vidui must be recited standing) and say "ana Hashem, chatasi ovisi u'pashati, v'ani bosh me'chatai ovonosai u'peshai, u'l'olam lo echzor od"  (this sentence is the essence of vidui .( [6] In such a manner it is possible to perform the vidui  before sunset and b’ezras Hashem be worthy of the atonement granted on Yom Kippur.

When does Yom Kippur actually begin?

Our custom is to recite the Birkas Shehecheyanu before sunset and thus bring upon ourselves the kedusha (holiness) of Yom Kippur. From that point on one may not drink, eat or do any of the actions that are prohibited on Yom Kippur.

Accordingly, women who recite the Birkas Shehecheyanu when lighting candles accept upon themselves all of the halachos that apply to Yom Kippur and they should remove their leather shoes before reciting this b’racha. [7]

What if a woman wants to drive to shul (before sunset, obviously) before Yom Kippur after lighting the candles?

When necessary, she may light candles without reciting the Shehecheyanu and stipulate that she is not accepting the Yom Tov until later, which would enable her to drive to shul even after having lit candles. This “stipulation” should not be used lightly because it is a machlokes [8] whether a stipulation can be made after lighting and the halacha is that it may only be used when necessary. [9