When King Avimelech took Sara from Avraham (thinking she was his sister), G-d threatened to kill him if he would not return Sara untouched immediately. Avimelech defended himself saying, "I did this with innocent heart and with clean hands." G-d replied, "I know you did this with innocent heart (Genesis 20:5-6)." Although Avimelech was innocent at heart, in that he did not know Sara was married, he did act with lascivious intentions - with "filthy hands." Hashem merely omitted reference to Avimelech's "alleged clean hands." This was enough to make the negative point, while only using words that are positive.

What is truth?...what G-D WANTS! Generally, G-d wants peace, unity, love, respect, pleasantness. The Torah (Genesis 18:10-13) reports that Heaven sent three angels to visit Avraham when he was 99 years old to tell him that he was going to have a son in one year. Sara, 89, was right behind and heard. She laughed within herself and said that HER HUSBAND was too old. G-d came to Avraham and said that Sara said that SHE was too old to have a child. If G-d was interested in defining truth in marriage as "accurate reporting," He would have quoted to Avraham what Sara TRULY said: HER HUSBAND is too old to have a child. Marital peace is so important that G-d Himself changed Sara's words so as to not in any way diminish peace between Avraham and Sara (Yevamos 65b).

Consider how important marital peace is. We have a couple who were 99 and 89 years old. They'd been married for decades. On top of that, they were uncle and niece - family even before marriage. Didn't they know each other and have a secure relationship already? Even so, G-d Himself, with their established and deep relationship, manipulated the report so as to accord with ULTIMATE TRUTH, G-D'S TRUTH: PEACE COMES BEFORE ACCURACY - IN DEFINING OR SPEAKING TRUTH.

How we speak impacts how we are understood. In 1930, Poland's Minister of Education declared that any religious ordination would require a college degree. For yeshivas, forced secular education would be a catastrophe. The Torah community asked the elderly Chafetz Chayim to appeal to the minister. When the sage finished speaking (in Yiddish), the minister told the translator that he needn't bother explaining. Because the Chafetz Chayim SPOKE WITH SO MUCH HEART AND SINCERITY, the minister understood - and canceled the law.

The order in which you present elements can impact communication. After Avraham's binding of Yitzchok, Avraham sent a messenger to Sara to explain why they left suddenly for several days. The messenger said, "G-d told Avraham to sacrifice Yitzchok, it turned out to be only a test of Avraham's loyalty, so Yitzchok is fine." However, when Sara heard that G-d told Avraham to kill Yitzchok, she went into immediate, total shock. She never heard that her son was fine. This is how Sara died and why the story (in the Torah) of Sara's death follows right after the story of the binding of Yitzchok. We learn from this - in the communication domain - to FIRST say that a thing worked out just fine; when an element of a statement is frightening, negative or disastrous.