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HOW THOROUGH AND SENSITIVE THE TORAH'S RULES ARE FOR NOT HARMING ANOTHER IN ANY WAY
- August '02/Av-Ellul 5762

One of the things which is central to all interpersonal relations between Jews, is the fundamental prohibition against any Jew causing any harm, damage, disturbance or pain to another. The gemora (Shabos 31a) says that the section of shas on damages is characterized by the word "salvations." If we damage each other, we cause G-d to bring destruction to us. If we do not damage each other (or at least correct it if we ever do), G-d saves us from harm and trouble.

The Mishna in Bava Kama specifically states that each Jew is NOT ONLY obligated to not damage another; the Mishna also specifies that the RESPONSIBILITY FOR GUARDING AGAINST DAMAGING IS ON EACH PERSON NOT TO DAMAGE ANOTHER and that MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUAL in both the obligation to guard against damaging another as well as equal in their rights if ever damaged.

I am herein going to provide a sampling of Torah rules (ANTHOLOGIZED PRIMARILY FROM CHOSHEN MISHPOT AND SEDER NEZIKIN) to hopefully improve awareness, sensitivity and behavior; so that Jews do only good to each other and never bad; and so that G-d does to us likewise. For practical, specific Torah law questions, please consult a respected rov.

A central rule of damages is "adom muad le'olam (a Jew is always responsible for harming another in any way; e.g. bodily injury, feelings, reputation, property, livelihood, etc.)." This includes causing harm with your property, such as letting your animal loose so that it eats or tramples on the property of another or leaving something somewhere so that it causes another to trip and fall. There are certain cases when you can even be responsible for damaging while you are asleep. If you hurt someone else or break property while falling down, you may even be responsible for damages.

You may not wake someone from sleep unless the person would want the thing you are waking him for more than the sleep. You may not waste a person's time, e.g. coming late for an appointment, double parking or blocking a driveway, keeping someone waiting unjustifiably or not returning a book that other people may use to its shelf. Wasting even a moment of someone's time is considered a theft you can never repay, which is a very serious sin.

You may not dig near your land's boundary because your neighbor's land may collapse or underground water may cause water damage to your neighbor's property. If you ever sell land, you must offer it first to your neighbor because expanding his existing property is more value-adding than selling land to another person without connected land. You may not set a fire where heat can damage a neighbor or if an expectable wind could spread the fire to another's property and cause damage or danger. You can't make noise, or do business in your home that brings the public, so as to disturb neighbors. You can't put up a wall that blocks a neighbor's view nor a window that lets you see into the window of your neighbor so as to violate privacy.

Deception and lying are prohibited. Flattery is considered deception since you prevent your victim from knowing what he really is or how you truly feel about him. Lying and flattering for the sake of peace can sometimes be allowed (to lack peace is a MAJOR damage). A woman who violates modesty laws is considered as if she is morally harming men.

In business, you may not cheat, misrepresent product or its quality, use faulty weights and measures, overcharge above market value (for certain products), renege on a price commitment or a transaction, or violate time obligations (to pay, to complete work, etc). When you are paid for your time, you may not use that time for personal purposes (because this is stealing).

You may not harm people passively e.g. not returning lost property, withholding or delaying help that another truly needs, not keeping your word. Torah standards are so high that if someone gives you a friendly greeting and you do not return at least as nice a greeting, it is considered as if you stole his greeting.

You are prohibited from shaming, defaming, hurting feelings, using disparaging nick-names (even if the victim agrees), "using" or imposing upon people, slandering, aggravating, making yourself big by diminishing another, being angry, disrespectful or arrogant. Kindness and charity are so meritorious that they extend a person's life span. In shul, you may not say Shmoneh Esray audibly nor walk within six feet in front of another praying Shmoneh Esray, as these disturb the other's concentration. Hashem overlooks wrongs done to Him by people who overlook wrongs done to him by other people. We must get along sweetly with and be civil to others. We are as pleasing and non-bothering to Hashem as we are pleasing and non-bothering to people.

There is sensitivity in halacha to women. To protect a woman's dignity, if a man and woman come to a door to beg at the same time and you can only can give one, give to the woman; and if a man and woman come to bais din for a case at the same time, the dayan is to take the case of the woman first. If a man and woman are captured by kidnappers, we ransom the woman first to protect her from personal vulnerability. If a husband and wife hurt each other's feelings, G-d punishes the husband more rapidly and brutally for hurting his wife. Making a wife an aguna or abusing her can brutalize her entire life; so if hurting a wife in one individual incident evokes G-d's strong response against a husband, how much more so when he damages her life profoundly and steadily(!), rachmona litzlon.

Hashem told Moshe to speak parshas Kedoshim ("Be Holy") to the entire assembled Jewish nation. The Chasam Sofer points out that this teaches us that if one cannot live with people in a holy fashion (or he can be holy only if alone), he is not holy. It is when we can live with others in a holy fashion that a Jew proves he is holy. May it be the Alm-ghty's will that we keep learning and working on ourselves so that we all are holy and please Him with how well we treat each other.