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Something's wrong. Real wrong. It's not the way it's supposed to be. It's not the way it used to be. Sometimes it's because people can't retain it. Sometimes it's because people can't make their way into it in the first place. It gets to the root of the human condition. It can get vicious. It's tearing lives. It's tearing hearts. It's destroying children. It's negatively impacting society. And, it's getting worse. And worse. And worse.

Once upon a time, there was an institution. It was held to be sacred, serious, noble and honorable. It was said to be for keeps. In those ancient bygone days, it constituted the basis for passing on tradition and values from one generation to the next. It was the building block of society. It gave society a foundation and it gave society the ability to function and to continue.

The institution used to be called "marriage." Nowadays, the institution is called "free for all."

Except by people who, like me, work with the wreckage, the havoc, the dysfunction, the disruption, the disappointment and the pain. We call it "crisis."

Yet, Jewish tradition refers to marriage as the happiest happiness there is. "The happiness of a heart is a wife (Shabos 152a)." "A woman's husband makes her happy (Rosh HaShana 6b)." Jewish tradition defines a peaceful home and a solid family as among the highest values in all of life. Until one generation ago, the Jewish home and family were the model and the envy of the entire world. Jewish history consistently and decisively proves that asking for successful marriage is not asking the impossible. Where is the root of the anguish-drenched disparity between:

a) the happiest and most central aspect of life being marriage, and
b) the inability of so many Jews today to find and to keep a mate (or happiness with a mate)?

In '77, when I was still a full time yeshiva student, I first became aware of the statistically significant "relationship crisis," which manifests itself in burgeoning rates of:

* divorce
* marital instability and disharmony
* more and older singles not finding mates, and
* intermarriage
in the Jewish community.

It seemed that the Jew had lost the ability to find, marry and happily stay with another Jew. This was a reflection of the crumbling of marriage as an institution in society at large. Whatever was breaking down outside was seeping into that bastion of home and family: the Jewish people. This came prominently to my attention experientially and from print media. I recognized the tragic character of the issue and the exploding numbers. Far too many of our people were flocking to marriage counselors, bais din (Torah court, for divorces), disappointing and unproductive singles events. As of the summer of '94, approximately 64% of Jews in the United States who marry, marry a non-Jew. It's mind-boggling. My first reaction was that I didn't want to become a statistic. I started studying the subject of marriage. I gradually widened my vision of the issue beyond myself. Besides studying how to be "statistic-proof," I winded up blazing a path that governed much of the direction of my life. [to be continued]