In one of the Maharal's books, Nesivos Olam, he essentially answers the question, "What, in a word, is the essence of the man-woman relationship?" The word is "emuna" - the ability to have faith and trust in eachother. He bases what he writes on a gemora in tractate Taanis and an analysis of the verse in Psalms which the gemora is predicated on. The essence is that people of emuna are trustworthy so that another may have wholehearted faith in them because THEY DO NOT CHANGE. If one party in a relationship changes, this violates and destroys the relationship. A relationship essentially consists of a trustworthy party providing something which a trusting party receives. Through this model, the Maharal writes that a non-changing relationship of mutual and faithful roles is established which joins the two parties together. There is no greater example of a never-changing emuna/trust relationship that of Heaven and the Jew WHICH IS THE SAME AS THE EMUNA/TRUST RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN, in the nature of which the man is a provider, and the woman is receiver, like the Heavens provide and the earth receives. If the relationship is violated, this is elimination of the emuna which is its foundation. When both a husband and a wife are faithful, there is no greater relationship. When each is faithful, without end and without change, to all the obligations of the relationship, each may have emuna in the other at all times [end of Maharal excerpt].

How do we tie this to practical, concrete relating? For example, in a traditional Jewish family, a husband is responsible for earning a livelihood, learning Torah regularly, teaching the sons Torah, etc. A wife is obligated to keep the house, raise the children, cook, sew, clean, etc. Regardless of whether you have any variations in your individual case (e.g. two-income family, whatever), there are other roles that go into your relationship, besides technical activities and prescribed arrangements.

There are fundamentals of making a marriage work, of making a marriage peaceful, and of giving it the capacity to endure. Among the things in which the partners have the obligation (to be unchangingly faithful) are practical exchange of: love, honor, humility, responsibility, active and targeted giving, active maintenance and pursuit of peace, relating heart to heart, providing happiness to eachother at every possible moment, keeping the "goodness flow" mutual at all times, and such that your partner can have unswerving faith in you and your nonstop provision of these to your partner. The test is passed when both partners steadily: can know and can be secure, trusting and reliant; that each: has the other's love, respect, loyal devotion, support, alliance; and has fulfillment of all of the roles, emotions, needs and obligations, that the relationship requires from the other.

Faith and trust in marriage must be complete, or else there will be doubt, worry, suspicion, insecurity, tension, divisiveness, misery and degeneration of the marriage. I tell audiences to whom I speak, and people who come to me for counseling, that trust is like "kosher"...if a food is 99% kosher, it is 100% traif! ANYTHING less than 100% won't work. Same, too, in the marriage bond. A partner is not fulfilling his/her responsibilities to the marriage until he/she gives the other the ability to have 100% faith, security, confidence, reliance and trust in him/her...without change or end.

How do you know when you are on the right track? What is the test? When your partner is amazed, secure and trusting with how good you are to him or her. A couple in which both please eachother constantly, from the heart, and with a good attitude, and in which both accept full responsibility for each one's half of the marriage relationship, stop thinking in terms of how to fix fights. There gradually ceases to be fights to fix. View the Jewish marriage as having three partners: husband, wife and G-d. For a marriage to have blessing and success, each one must be true and devoted to the other two.

Fundamental to trust is truth. Sometimes, especially in marriage, truth is not what it appears to flesh and blood eyes or minds. Sometime "true truth" is different from "apparent" truth. But this does not mean for a minute that we should learn to falsify or become dishonest. Basically, truth requires always being scrupulous, principled and honest, and having unbending integrity. However, sometimes, in marriage, seeming truth can be destructive. Truth is: the will of Hashem in each situation. It is in relation to this that your trustworthiness is measured. Since some people can get confused, or even perverse, about what truth is, we continue next time with "True Truth."