Chapter 32 of Tehillim (Psalms) on the level of pshat (basic meaning of the text), represents tshuva (return from sin). On the level of sode (kabala - mysticism) it represents preparing oneself and sanctifying oneself for one's wedding day. This shows, right away, that marriage is something that requires, and is intrinsically linked to,
* preparation,
* approaching in a spirit and state of holiness,
* the merit that comes from self-elevation to accord with G-d's spiritual demands and standards,

* and rectification IN ADVANCE of faults - especially those which 1. can be causes of hurt or disrespect to a spouse or of causes of neglect to or dysfunction in the marriage relationship, or which violate holiness and sanctity.

The Psalm's first verse says that one whose sins that G-d covers and forebears is happy, fortunate. The midrash [Yalkut Shimoni] on this verse points out a seeming contradiction. Another verse [Proverbs 28:13] says that covering one's sins is something that G-d will not allow; any attempt to cover sins will not succeed. Can I cover sins or not? The midrash's answer: G-d can give Himself the prerogative to forebear a sin against Him (if you do tshuva and atone on Yom Kippur). G-d does not cover up sins committed against people.

When one sins against a person, there is the added factor of harm or violation against the victim. If you try to cover up sins against His creations whom you are commanded to love ("le" - with attentiveness to their specific reality, rights, situation, feelings, needs and dignity; and with future consequences for good or for bad, as accords with your treatment of them), you will not get away with. One can't get away with sinning against G-d's creations.

This midrash also tells of how on every Yom Kippur Sattan puts the sins of the Jews on the scales of justice and says to G-d that the Jews are "ganavim (thieves)." A glaring question on this midrash is: is theft the only sin? Why does the midrash specifically cite Sattan's accusation against the Jewish people on Yom Kippur as theft?

A Jew is fully responsible to achieve his potential in both bain adam leMakome (mitzvos towards G-d) and bain adam lechavairo (mitzvos towards one's fellow Jew). Each individual is judged relative to each one's potential.

This midrash is explained by Rabbi Yehuda Lowe (1512-1609, called "the Maharal of Prague") in his brilliant and esteemed book, "Nesivos Olam." In the midrash's context of person-to-person obligations, it is teaching, that the sins that weigh most heavily in Heaven against one are sins against other people. This includes actually doing something negative against a person OR IF A PERSON DEPRIVES ANOTHER JEW OF THE BESTOWAL OF RESOURCES AND GOODNESS THAT ONE COULD POTENTIALLY GIVE TO EACH AND EVERY OTHER JEW!

Active and constant pursuit of giving goodness and generosity (relative to your potential, talents, strengths, resources, etc. AND relative to other people's needs, feelings, situation, dignity, etc.) bring you Heaven's blessing and mercy.

When it comes to honesty, charity, kindness, peace, civil and thoughtful behavior, respect and compassion, the Torah's standards and demands are very, very high. TaNaCH (Bible) refers to
* tzedek (honest justice),
* tzadaka (charity),
* chesed (kindness) and
* shalom (peace)
with the term "rodaif (chase after, actively pursue)." Midrash Vayikra Raba tells us that it is not enough to wait for something which we are told to "rodaif (actively chase after)." Waiting is only good enough for a mitzva which, by nature, comes to you, e.g. returning a lost article. One cannot get the mitzva of returning lost property until one happens to find some. If you don't find lost or misplaced property, you have no obligation to announce or return it!

When a verse uses the term rodaif (pursue, chase), one has to actively and energetically go after opportunities to find or create those types of mitzvos (e.g. promoting peace, justice, charity or acts of kindness). Another midrash in Vayikra Raba tells us, "derech eretz kadma leTorah (civil, polite, thoughtful behavior comes before Torah)." One cannot profess to observe the Torah at all unless one can, in practical life, behave like a mentsh. Pirkei Avos tells us that the next person's honor must be as dear to you as your own. Another midrash (cited by Rashi to Yermia 31:14) teaches that the redemption of the world will occur because of the practice of kindness together with compassion and mercy. In other words, kindness without feeling and concern for, or without emotional connection to, the recipient and his/her situation and feelings, is not on nearly as high a level. The more that acts of lovingkindness are practiced together with compassion/mercy/caring feelings, the more we have a case to prevail upon G-d to give the combination of kindness and compassion/mercy. I suggest that this applies in both our national context as well as in our individual lives.

The Torah responsibilities in self-sanctification and in interpersonal behavior standards are considerable. The Jew is commanded by the Torah to be holy because G-d is holy (Leviticus 19:2). The essence of holiness is rising above and beyond one's nature. The more one elevates the spiritual over the physical, the more holiness. Marriage is called holiness. In the Torah's, the more one is holy, the more one is in a state of preparedness for marriage. One way to measure this is to ask how much one's spiritual aspect overtakes one's physical nature. Another measure this is to ask oneself, "how much is my life a 'kiddush Hashem?'"

Keep in mind:
* that the Maharal and the Midrash Raba teach that giving less than one's potential is called "theft" in Heaven's judgement of him,
* the priority items in the above paragraph, and
* chapter 32 of Psalms (which refers, on the Kabala level, to making oneself spiritual and holy to be prepared for marriage; and which refers on the basic level, to returning from deficient behaviors).

A single person who is looking for a mate (or a married person looking to retain a mate) must have these attributes developed. A prospective mate, in Heaven's value system, must be assured of treatment which lives up to these standards. When two people can both treat each other mutually according to these standards, as a practical matter, reliably and consistently, they are "candidates" for a lasting marriage.