Wherever reasonably possible, use dating as practice for proper treatment of a future spouse. When you first speak to the prospect on the phone, make the person feel welcomed into your life and assured of your good-natured and sincere acceptance. Make yourself receptive, encouraging and emotionally accessable (besides, you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression). The other may be nervous or shy, so try to bring him or her out of discomfort, hesitation or nervousness. "Words which come out of the heart enter into the heart" (Alshich to Deuteronomy 6:6). Know how and when to listen. Pirkei Avos says that the kavod of another should be as dear to you as your own, so make the person feel important and respected. Show up and be ready for each date on time. Know when and how to listen. Express appreciation for things the person says or does. Give the person undivided attention and your natural personality; in balanced conjunction with tzneeyus (modesty), derech eretz (thoughtful, polite, civil and mannerly behavior) and good taste.

Since relationships that are conditional die (often disastrously), I would not recommend anything which detracts from relating to the REAL person him/herself. For example, I would not want a man to reveal that he is wealthy. He can be represented as having a livelihood (e.g. steady job, profession or business) as being "normal" and responsible (he might go broke after the wedding, his skill may later become obsolete or he might be a miser who gives her nothing). The importance of her looks and figure should not be blown out of proportion (after a baby or two, these may become "ancient history").

I heard two wise statements in the name of a gadol hador: 1. marriage is life's most outstanding opportunity to do chesed (active kindness) and 2. rather than looking to obtain a good mate, look to BE a good mate. The most beautiful and attractive things about a Jewish neshama are sweet midos and a good heart; which are the first priorities for finding, enjoying and keeping a mate. IF GOOD MIDOS AND GOOD HEART MATTER IN YOU, YOU WILL VALUE THEM IN YOUR MATE-SELECTION. A good relationship bond comes when the inner person in each connects with the inner person of the other.

The most rapport-developing dates are those which emphasize communicating, sharing the time nicely and relating to get to know eachother. The date need not cost money. In fact, in the beginning, the date should not cost consequential money. I don't believe that any woman who is truly fine and who truly respects herself should require money being spent by a guy who may want to never see her again (besides, this is "using" him). Once there is a sense that something meaningful is developing, and the guy asks the girl out ON HIS OWN BECAUSE HE WANTS TO - not because some shadchan said he should see her - he should then spend graciously on her, in accordance with his means.

Even on dates, look for opportunities to do chesed. A man should open doors for the woman. To factor in tzneeyus, he can face the wall (inward) rather than looking at her (outward), while still having manners. Even on a "no cost/low cost" date, offer her something to drink, at least. Ask her how she feels about the place you have in mind to take her, before making a final decision alone. The woman who gets into the car first can unlock his door while he walks around from the passenger's side to the driver's side. When a man takes the woman home, he must not leave until she is safely inside and the door has closed behind her. Neither should ever be a boor to the other. Don't ever yell, interrupt, keep the other waiting, be rude, criticize or be unkind or inconsiderate in any way.

Do not see more than one person at a time. No matter how confident one is about being able to "handle" seeing more than one person, it is not humanly possible to give fair consideration and complete attention to more than one at a time. If you have questions, ask a rov. Seeing more than one person at a time can violate MANY halachos, including kavod habrios (human dignity), genaivas daas (deception, misleading), bitul zman (wasting people's time), and bitul momon (wasting money). If a relationship is going nowhere and you are offered another shidduch, break off officially with the former relationship before you can start with the second. From my counseling experience, I have to say that IF YOU CAN'T RELATE TO ONLY ONE, YOU CAN'T RELATE TO ANYONE!

Being a mentsh, sensitivity to other people's feelings and situation, maturity, thoughtfulness, responsibility, respect, honesty and warm kindliness are among the strongest advocates IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH that you merit, deserve and are ready for your mate. The marriage relationship, in the Torah, is a matter of highest stakes. Chazal say that the Devine Presence dwells with the couple who live together in peace and with Torah. With proper preparation, hashkafos, midos and behaviors; marriage can be a part of life that brings you closest to your "someone special" and Hashem.