Reflections On Teshuva
Mrs. Suri Pollak

The day of the grand wedding of the beloved daughter of the King had finally arrived. In anticipation, the entire kingdom arrived to partake in what would be a truly memorable event. The grand ceremony took place aboard a huge yacht. A combination of delicacies and exotic fruits prepared by famous chefs from all over the world was served. Dressed in their finest, the guests enjoyed the ambience of the delightful yacht and the gorgeous sea view. Most spectacular of all was the music. The King organized an orchestra of the finest, most talented musicians from all over the world!

Everyone was dancing to the most enchanting music when all of a sudden there was an earth-shattering thunder followed by bolts of lightning! Strong drops of rain and hail began to fall, the yacht began to shake, the wind howled, plates shattered, people screamed. . .

Much later, the princess awoke to find herself in a filthy, drenched gown, bruised and starving on what appeared to be a deserted island. As she regained consciousness, she was hit with the reality of what had happened.

In a distance, she was able to see a small town. Full of hope, the princess was determined to reach the town and speak to the king. There she would reveal her true identity and surely he would look after her needs and send her home.

As the princess relayed her tragic story to the foreign king, a cunning smile appeared on the king's face. "Your father is my greatest enemy. Alas, my chance for revenge! Not only will I make sure you do not return to your homeland, you will devote the rest of your life to serving me!"

As the king broke into atrocious laughter, the princess burst into heart- wrenching tears. "A maidservant? Impossible! I have never lifted a finger in my entire life. I am used to only the finest! I want to go home!"

The princess spent her first few weeks as a maidservant crying desperately. Her uniform was terribly itchy and her delicate skin broke out in a rash. Her tiny bed was uncomfortable, and the work was unbearable and degrading. The other maidservants tried their best to comfort her. They tried to befriend her and ease her way. The princess, however, continued to feel disgusted and humiliated.

Weeks turned into months and eventually the princess got used to her new way of life. She no longer dreaded the work and she began to look forward to her days off.

Months turned into years and our princess was living a happy, complete life with all the other maidservants - until the wedding day of the beloved daughter of the foreign king. It was the grandest event ever. The food was lavish. The most talented musicians were brought in from all over the continent. Everyone was dressed in their finest and the princess was as excited as ever to serve at this grand wedding.

There she was, carrying a huge tray of delicacies, when suddenly the orchestra began to play. Upon hearing the music the princess froze, dropped her tray and fainted.

It was the music, the very same music that was played at her wedding. At that exact moment she remembered who she truly was: a princess. Shocked she reeled, how could I have sunk so low?

At Har Sinai, Hashem gave us the Torah, thereby proclaiming us his chosen nation. A wedding ceremony between Klal Yisrael and Hashem took place. A great shofar was blown and the entire world was witness to the fact that the Jews were special, the children of the King of all kings, the chosen nation! We were given the sacred land of Eretz Yisrael as we enveloped in the glory of the Beis Hamikdash.

Yet our sins caused us to be exiled from our homeland, and we were dispersed among many other nations. How we cried and yearned to return to Yerushalayim, how we longed for the Beis Hamikdash.

Months turned into years, and we have become comfortable with our lives in exile. We no longer have a problem living among the other nations. Our lives are content and happy.

On Rosh Hashana, the shofar is blown. The very same shofar that was blown at Har Sinai, at the moment we were elevated above all other nations and became the chosen one. When we hear the blast of the shofar, we tremble as we are reminded of who we really are.

The blast of the shofar reminds us to do teshuva, yet how can the feelings of personal regret and sorrow actually change a deed already performed by a human being?

The Maharal answers that teshuva is effective because the very essence of a human being is constantly subject to change and transformation. From the moment we are born, we do not remain in the same physical, emotional, mental or spiritual state, for a long period. To be human means to be constantly changing. We alter. We become different.

Everything about mortal man is temporary. Since the actions of people reflect their natures, all human activities are short lived, fleeting and passing. The actions of mortal beings, in defiance of Torah, are (from their inception) capable of being changed from bad to good. Just as the human personality does not remain the same, so too human actions are not enduring. They are always open to change.

A remorseful Baal Teshuva is considered as though he was newly born. He is no longer the same person who committed all those desecrations. He is a different being. In Hilchos Teshuva, the Rambam writes, "What is the real meaning of teshuva? That the person who sinned should decide not to do it again! He should be sorry for his past and Hashem, who knows all our hidden thoughts, could testify that this person will never commit that sin again."

What exactly does the Rambam mean by the expression "Hashem could testify" that the sin will not be done by that person again? What if a person does teshuva for a specific sin, and five years later, he happens to commit the very same wrongdoing again? Was his original teshuva genuine? Was it accepted?

The Rambam tells us that in order for a person to be forgiven for a sin (at the time of repentance) he must be completely convinced that his sin was wicked, and his absolute resolution never to transgress in that way again is such that even Hashem would verify that as long as that person remains in his current spiritual and emotional position, he would not commit the sin again.

However, if a complete change occurs in the spiritual make-up of the individual later on, and he commits the same sin, we may say that -for all practical purposes - a different person was involved. It is not the same person who previously yearned for forgiveness. Therefore, his original teshuva was genuine and fully accepted.

The essence of the sin committed by Adam Harishon and Chava was not only eating from the forbidden fruit of the Eitz Hadaas. Rather, it was their refusal to face their actions and make amends. They were running away from Hashem as it is written "...and Adam and his wife hid from Hashem Elokim."

The same is true of every human being. The great offence is not that a being of flesh and blood is guilty of a transgression. This is only natural. The great disappointment is that the individual fails to repent, to correct the wrongdoing.

The Midrash (Koheles) compares this to a group of robbers who were caught and sentenced to many years in prison. They began to search for a way to escape. They secretly dug away until they formed an opening to the outside and ran away to freedom. Only one convict remained behind because he refused to squeeze through the narrow opening and escape through the muddy field. When the prison attendant arrived, he shouted to him, "You will never get out of here. The opening was before you and you didn't use it!"

The Midrash concludes, "Hashem will say to the sinners, I opened the gates of repentance to you and you did not return! This deserves a greater punishment than the sin itself!"

We must utilise the wonderful opportunity extended to us on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur- the power to cleanse and purify ourselves, the ability to climb up and begin again a new, fresh and good life - the gift of teshuva.


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