HOW TO REPROVE

Needless to say when it was necessary to be forceful with people, even to berate them, this was done without hesitation. This is a responsibility which can’t be shirked. But, as Rav Schneur used to always say: M’darf Vissin Vi Azoi- one has to know how to do something-not just do it as his impulse dictates:

“My father zt'l had to constantly arouse people; reprove people; make demands. Yet he never gave reproof or made demands without first expressing that person’s virtue with love [adding elsewhere: “Without making sure that the person knows his worth in his (the Rosh Yeshiva’s) eyes”] so that his spirit doesn’t fall; so that he doesn’t lose his interest, vitality and creativity.....” (Noam Siach Yom Hazikoron P. 57).

“It is well known that his entire life my father fought without let-up to establish Yiddishkeit [in Klal Yisroel] properly. In every matter he dealt with he always had before his eyes his responsibility and his mission, on the one hand to uproot distortions; on the other hand to replace them [With true Torah attitudes] and to build [Torah in their stead]. When he dealt with individuals he always sought to develop the good and the positive in them, allowing their negative traits and ideas to fall away of themselves. (Ibid P.40)

It is interesting that two Chaveirim independently of each other told me about a time each was given reproof by the Rosh Yeshiva zt'l. The first incident pertained to davening. It seems that Reb Y. shlita had started coming late to Shacharis in Yeshiva, even missing it at times altogether. The Rosh Yeshiva saw him, called him over and said with great warmth: “M’darf Kummin Tzu Davenin-one must come to the (yeshiva) davening.” The second pertained to learning and involved Reb Shaul Kagan [shlita] (zt'l) who cherishes and loves to relate the story: Reb Shaul’s father zt'l had been ill and Reb Shaul was involved in caring for him. It’s not always that easy to get back full swing into learning if you were involved in something else, even after your actual involvement is over... The Rosh Yeshiva, who had seen him in the hall, walked over with his beautiful loving smile, put his hand on Reb Shaul’s shoulder and said: “[yes,] your father was ill and you were busy, but now Ir vet zich nemen tzu lernen shtark-you will [certainly] “take to” your learning full force”.

Reb Y. says that the love he felt in that little Tochochah was so great that it brings tears to his eyes whenever he remembers it till this day, adding: “I doubt very much if I love myself the way the Rosh Yeshiva loved me”. Similarly, Reb Shaul says that the love and closeness transmitted in the Tochacha given to him warms and yes, inspires him till this day. (It is amazing to note the amount of love that was felt in so few words; that first “Tochachah” was less than five words!)

Another talmid told this writer of a time that he received a phone call from the Rosh Yeshiva asking him to come over [it was between sessions and the talmid was home at the time]. The Rosh Yeshiva then rebuked him for something he had said to someone else regarding Yeshiva policy [pertaining to Kashrus standards]. At the same time the Rosh Yeshiva explained to the talmid how he had erred on the basic issue involved. The talmid was amazed at the warmth shown with the reproof considering the harm that could have been done. In fact later on the talmid actually heard that when the Rosh Yeshiva first discovered what had taken place he was terribly upset. This talmid is a Rosh Yeshiva today and keeps the incident in mind when he finds it necessary to rebuke his own talmidim.

Back  | Next