Sensitivity was a way of life. [Agav Urchoh, as an aside, a friend told this writer another story with himself and (L’havdil Bein Chayim L’Chayim) the Rosh Yeshiva about who takes precedence when meeting at a door. He once pulled open the door to the Bais Medrash building (not the Bais Medrash hall) and found himself face to face with the Rosh Yeshiva. He of course moved aside and waited for the Rosh Yeshiva to walk out. The Rosh Yeshiva however did not move; he told the talmid “you go through first since you are coming to learn!” (Reb Chaim Englard shlita, who adds that he told this story to Rav Schneur zt'l and subsequently it was found in Rav Schneur’s notes.)] Coming back to the proper method of giving rebuke spoken of in the above citation from Noam Siach, while in the two above Tochachah stories even the form of Tochacha was mild and loving, this may not always be possible. At times the form of reproof must of necessity be strong and forceful. Rav Schneur is talking about that kind of Tochachah too; love and acceptance and respect must come through, must be sensed by the recipient even when reproof is strong and forceful and even when it appears to be given in anger; (This writer once heard Rav Schneur say: “It was understood amongst us,” - referring I believe to a M’soras Ovos-”that complaints against a person do not necessarily mean he is opgifregt-invalidated”). (See too Amos Bunim’s "Fire in his Soul" p. 211: “Bunim saw that the Rosh Yeshiva always distinguished between people and the principles they professed. Bunim never saw him attack another person, except for those who negated the Torah.”) Yes, one must truly know “how to do it”- “M’darf Vissin Vi Azoi.” |