THE BATTLE FOR "SHALOM" - part 13

As a prerequisite to using the proper methods of achieving sholom, it is of course necessary to have a deep awareness (acquired through Torah-Mussar study and hisbonenus – deep thinking and introspection) of the great value and necessity of Sholom so that one actually wills him/her self to truly desire it and work for it (a desire which is not naturally there when in a state of anger).

It is necessary to have Daas Elokim spoken of above in Mishnas Rav Aharon; it is necessary to get a proper perspective on the issues involved-to know what is truly important; to know what is not important; and to know what is simple foolishness - Katnunios!

SEEING GOOD

It is necessary to take a deeper look into people; seeing the ruchnius (spiritual aspect) in people, seeing their inner value and truly respecting them. It also means judging them and their deeds favorably, looking for a zechus (merit) in their actions as per the obligation of chazal to look for the meritorious side of peoples actions ("Havei dan es kol odom lkaf zchus").

Reb Schneur would often cite an explanation of Reb Yehoshua Leib Diskin zt'l on this obligation. (Printed in T’shuvos Maharil Diskin, end of P’sokim.)

“It is well known that the greatest safeguard against transgressing a law of the Torah or against neglecting the performance of Mitzvos is embarrassment. The Chovas Halvovos says that without bushoh (embarrassment) people wouldn’t even honor their own mothers!

If one lives amongst people who are all tzadikim, he will find it very difficult to sin. If one person however begins to sin, it will become much easier for the second person to do so and so on. Therefore it is important that a person judge those around him favorably and see their virtues so that he feels surrounded by tzadikim and thus embarrassed to do anything wrong. If however he is a fault finder, then he will feel nobody is good anyway so why should he bother to be any better. He won’t have anything to hold him back!”

Reb Schneur would argue with critical people that they are closing their eyes to the attributes of others. To one person he said: “It’s a pity on you, you are living in a Shvartzer Velt - a world that is all black!” To another he said: “look at the difference between you and me. I live in a wonderful world. I’m surrounded by Bnei Torah, by erlicher Yiddin; by Tzadikim. Of course there are faults that must be corrected, there are positive qualities that need to be developed, but by and large my world is wonderful.

You however live in a bleak dark world. There are few people that you really respect. You are just about the only [worthy] person in the whole wide world!”

Rav Schneur was very exacting in requiring from talmidim and-as told by them-certainly from family members, that they have true respect for others, inwardly and outwardly; that they deal with others with respect; that they talk to them with refinement-to anyone and all the more so to Bnei Torah.

As for his and his great father's personal love and respect for others and all the more so for Torah and its students - it permeated every fiber of their beings and guided their every word and deed. One can safely say that it set a new standard in America and paved the way for the yeshivos gedolos and kollelim of today. In fact, speaking at the Sixteenth Yarhtzeit of Rav Schneur zt'l in Lakewood, Rav Shlomo Feivel Shustal shlita (of Yeshivas Torah Temimoh) asserted the same saying that after much thinking he has concluded that the great respect Rav Schneur accorded to his own talmidim and Bnei Torah in general is largely responsible for the respect accorded to Bnei Torah and Kollel Men in America today, which in turn translates into the phenomenal growth of our Torah world.

In addition to respect, Rav Schneur required of talmidim sensitivity to people’s feelings; he required full awareness of the potential impact of their words; he demanded “Achrayus” - responsibility. How often did Rav Schneur decry, in public as well as in private, careless, irresponsible talk which can and often does hurt feelings; ruin reputations – prevent and even break up shiduchim/engagements - G-d forbid. “Yunger Mentchen!,” he would cry out, “youngsters!” They imagine that they are qualified to form and say opinions about anyone and anything and in fact go on to cause untold harm with their words and deeds!

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